Starry Starry Night
by Hotaru Muraki
Summary: While some are gone, others still remain. But are they really left behind for good? (Aeris-musings on and about (mostly) Vincent Valentine.)


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. *sniffs* "Vincent" by Don McLean and associates does not belong to me. *sobs* And what's even worse, none of the bishies from "Final Fantasy VII" are mine, either. They're property of...of...Blast it! Someone else. *breaks down crying* No copyright infringement is intended with this. What IS intended, however, is to have some fun playing around.

Warning: m/m relationship (implied), a bit of angst, sap!?

Notes: I swear to the Holy that I don't know what possessed me to write this. I do like Vincent, but I definitely DO NOT like...her! *points to floating spectre of a girl in a red/pink dress* BTW, I somehow suspect the song's about some other guy also named Vincent, not that hunky Vincent Valentine. ^^

**S t a r r y   S t a r r y   N i g h t**

by Hotaru Muraki

It's over now. Finally. Finally, we can all rest. In peace, we have all the time we want to reflect and think about all that has happened to us and to others. Even though it has been nearly seven years since _that_ incident, some of us still bear their scars as if it had been only yesterday. Oh Vincent. . . .

                                   _Starry starry night_

                                   _Paint your palette blue and grey_

                                   _Look out on a summer's day_

I recall our first meeting quite vividly. It was on a day just like this one, somewhere between summer and autumn but yet part of neither. Not that you would have known this at that time, of course. How could you – just after having been woken from a decade-long slumber in that coffin? When Cloud opened that lid, you just sat up, just staring at him.

                                   _With eyes that know_

_                                   The darkness in his soul_

_                                   Shadows on the hills_

Then, when we left the mansion, we came just in time to watch those shapeless black...clones shuffling of to the Lifestream knows where. I really wonder where they all went of to...

_                                   Sketch the trees and the daffodils_

_                                   Catch the breezes and winter chills_

_                                   In colours on the snowy linen land_

Having felt nothing for so long, I'm sure you must have been...what? Longing to feel again all that you might have missed? Or rather being afraid to reach out and touch because you might end up getting hurt? Vincent, you never talked much. Not with words anyway. You only ever spoke up when it was necessary. Always polite, always observing. ...Always alone. Back then, I wondered about your behaviour. But now?

_                                   Now I understand_

_                                   What you tried to say to me_

_                                   How you suffered for your sanity_

You don't need _words_ to talk to someone, you know. I can't even begin to understand what you must have gone through with...Chaos and...everything else. You've never talked about that, either.

_                                   How you tried to set them free_

_                                   They would not listen_

_                                   They did not know how_

_                                   Perhaps they'll listen now_

Maybe that's why you seemed more than sympathetic towards Cloud's problems. Maybe that's why the two of you seemed to get along so well – even without any words. Each one of you is haunted by the demons of his past. Each one of you decided to suffer on their own, in silence. Maybe, in order to retain one's sanity, some demons can be dealt with in that way only.

That reminds me of the one time I watched your practice. You and Cloud, on a field somewhere in WuTai, near dusk. I had stumbled upon the two of you purely by accident, originally intending to call everyone to dinner. But... I couldn't help but watch, entranced, as you and Cloud fought. Strange enough, neither of you made any sound. Only the setting sun and the wind sweeping across the plains were bearing witness to this, the stars slowly appearing one by one as time wore on.

_                                   Starry starry night_

_                                   Flaming flowers that brightly blaze_

_                                   Swirling clouds in violet haze_

_                                   Reflect in Vincent's eyes of __China__ blue_

I know I shouldn't ask this, Vincent, and I'm ashamed of thinking about it but... With the setting sun reflecting off your face, it comes to my mind once more. Were your eyes always this magnificent, deep wine-red...?

_                                   Colours changing hue_

I must have fallen asleep somewhere in the middle because the next thing I knew was the warmth of the first rays of the morning sun waking me up again.

_                                   Morning fields of amber grain_

_                                   Weathered faces lined in pain_

You and Cloud were still – again? – moving, albeit more slowly now, in sure patterns. It was a truly hypnotizing thing of pure beauty to watch, poetry in motion. Vincent, both of you seemed more at peace then than ever before since I met you.

_                                   Are soothed beneath_

_                                   The artists loving hand_

I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with stress, ne? Cid's preferred method, for example, is to increase his smoking proportionally to the level of pressure he's under. Barrett blows off steam by cursing more or less vehemently – although _never_ within earshot of his adoptive daughter. (He might be fighting a loosing battle there. Marlene is far more observant than he gives her credit for.) I myself just walk, looking for flowers among the rubble.

_                                   Now I understand_

_                                   What you tried to say to me_

_                                   How you suffered for your sanity_

_                                   How you tried to set them free_

You knew or at least suspected what would happen, didn't you? That's why you tried so desperately to keep them apart. You were afraid of history repeating itself once more.  Vincent, scant comfort though this may be, it, no, _they_ were destined to be.

_                                   They would not listen_

_                                   They did not know how_

_                                   Perhaps they listen now_

You love them, both of them, don't you Vincent? But they were far too close to one another for you to ever stand a chance with either one of them.

_                                   For they did not love you_

_                                   But still your love was true_

I don't know what exactly happened. I can only guess but it must have been devastating for you. 

_                                   And when no hope was_

_                                   Left in sight on that_

_                                   Starry starry night_

_                                   You took your life_

_                                   As lovers often do_

After all, why would you try to kill yourself even though knowing that you were doomed to fail? Luckily it was me who found you. Had Cloud found you it probably would have driven him over the edge – but this time for certain.

_                                   Ah, but I could have told you, Vincent_

_                                   This world was never meant_

_                                   For one as beautiful as you_

Such a strong yet gentle soul, such a tortured mind in such a powerful body... Shaking my head, I still continue watching you from where I am sitting now. [ 1 ] How long have you been sitting on that rock, watching the sky darken from red and orange to violet and blue to, finally, a dark, deep blue-black? Have you looked at the vast expanse, watching it being sprinkled with more and more dots of light? What are you thinking about, Vincent?

_                                   Starry starry night_

_                                   Portraits hung in empty halls_

_                                   Nameless heads on nameless walls_

_                                   With eyes that watch_

_                                   The world and can't forget_

But then again... I think I know. After all, I'm guilty of the same thing. Neither of us wants to let go even though it continues to bring us little but pain and regret.

_                                   Like the strangers that you've met_

Images of you, Barett, Cid, Red XIII, Yuffie, Cait Sith, Tifa and all the others I have met on my journey briefly flash by me before retreating back into darkness once more.

_                                   The ragged man in ragged clothes_

Cloud, a haunted look on his face, stumbling downwards in the Northern Crater. Blue, blue eyes under an unruly mop of sun-kissed gold reflect an uneasy sense of foreboding already heralding what is yet to come.

_                                   The silver thorn of bloody rose_

Sephiroth...the one-winged angel, form unmoving. Still magnificent, still as gloriously graceful as ever. So beautiful it hurts, hurts deeply, straight down to the core.

_                                   Lie crushed and broken_

One next to the other, individual bodies undistinguishable from a distance. Two forms so close as to be one...almost.

_                                   On the virgin snow_

Then, as the last remnants of Mako and spells fade, it begins to snow. As if even the Holy itself feels moved... Slowly, silently but relentless as time itself, flake upon flake after flake falls down, starting to cover all, smoothing over the scars, hiding the wounds, the injuries. Well, at least the visible ones, anyway. Wouldn't it be convenient if a similar remedy existed for the mind, too?

Back then, you all had some trouble getting Cloud away from there. He had saved the planet, true, but at what cost to himself? Watching you, now, watching him skip rocks out over the lake, I wonder. And yet I feel a small measure of hope. Vincent, _you_ of all people – know what it feels like to loose the other half of your soul. Lucrezia told me. She will be waiting for you, she said, but she wants you to finally find peace if not forgiveness for yourself. As for me... I love Cloud so much, too much to keep him for myself when his heart calls out to another. His happiness is my happiness.

_                                   Now I think I know_

_                                   What you tried to say to me_

_                                   How you suffered for your sanity_

_                                   How you tried to set them free_

_                                   They would not listen_

_                                   They're not listening still_

_                                   Perhaps they never will_

Vincent. . . Please help him!

O W A R I

 [1] I'm thinking of that nice pic where Vincent sits on a rock, the star-dotted sky as a background. Hopefully, this was a regular pic/screenshot and not a fanart someone did. Fact is, I can't find it at the moment. __


End file.
